Deep down we all want to feel safe to express ourselves truthfully, loved unconditionally, seen and accepted fully, protected from harsh voices and rough touch, not having to perform or exchange our integrity and honesty for the security of belonging and "love". But as this can be a rarity growing up too experience completely, now, somewhere inside we might still feel wrong and fearful.
Sometimes this longing for being held by someone or something bigger can feel overwhelming, whether we are aware of it or not. It can be so overwhelming and distressing that we soothe ourselves through "fast love", food, TV, alcohol, meaningless chatter, bragging etc. instead. The voices in our head telling us we´re not ok, not enough, not safe, unlovable, and so on, just won´t leave us in peace, so we´ll use anything to keep them away.
As a child the holding person would have been one of our parents, and later in our adolescence, our community of peers. We took what acceptance they could offer us how full or limited it was. Remember that what they couldn´t love or accept in themselves was projected unto us. As we projected on to them - both our dark and our light. And what was not loved or valued or seen completely, we today meet as those unrestful, fearful places within ourselves that might feel overwhelming to be in contact with.
So what alternatives do we have when our negative self talk and fear overwhelms us? I find it can be a good help to find a sanctuary of someone else who can see and accept and give us room to just be with what is. This can be a friend, a therapist, or even a good book that reflects us well. Or we can resort to nature, free ourselves of the stimuli of daily life, and just breath and move. Or we can sit quietly, allowing the feelings to move without the story.
As a grown-up the responsibility and the opportunity rests with us, to accept and love all of those "fearful, unloved places" within ourselves, places that mostly reflects the hurt of the child we once were. If we don´t take this responsibility, we will project our childhood needs and feelings on the world around us, failing to see it as an inner condition in us, rather that an outside truth. The source of war is inside, not outside. Our inner world will manifest the outer, so it might also be true that the world might seem a lonely place to be, until you really meet your own eyes.
If we want to feel the love and connection in the world, we have to love, value and accept ourself fully. This requires that we can be present with ourselves, saying yes to our feelings as they arise, just allowing them, inviting them to stay - not making an enemy of ourselves, not condemning parts of us to dark dungeons within our own psyche - parts that are really just reflecting our own hurt, fearful child. If we can be present and accepting of ourselves, then the bigger person holding the smaller person is both us. Peace and love starts from within. Namasté!
Moorjani, Anita, Dying to be me, p.157-158, collected 06.09.2014 from (http://msv-nhne.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/Anita-Moorjani-Class-Notes.pdf).